Some Gambling Jokes

Here are some the best online casino/gambling jokes to ease your gambling boredom.

Real Age

A woman was in a casino for the first time. The spinning ball of the roulette wheel has always captured her attention. She settles to play at the roulette table and she says, “I have no idea what number to play.”

A young, good-looking man close to her advises she play her age. Smiling at the man, she puts her money on number 29. The wheel is spun, and 36 comes up. The from the woman’s face fade away and she faints.

Sincerity

Question: What is the difference when praying in church and when praying in the casino?

Answer: When praying in the casino you really mean it!

The Shy Boy

Little Tommy was a shy boy, specially in school. He never answered any questions but his homework was always quite excellent. If any one said anything to him he would simply no d, or shake his head. The staff thought of something to help him get rid of his shyness and give him confidence. “Tommy,” said his teacher. “I’ve just bet Miss Smith $5 I can get you to say three words. You can have half.” Tommy looked at her slyly and said, “You lose.”

Bright Dog

Two dog owners were boasting about the intelligence of their pets. “The most brilliant dog I ever had,” said one, “was a Great Dane that could play cards. He was a genius at poker, but I had him put to sleep.” “You had him put to sleep, a bright dog like that? A dog like that would be worth a million dollars.” “Had to,” he replied, “Caught him using marked cards!”

Ours Is Prettier

A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely beautiful young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, tells him she’ll see him later, and walks away.

His wife was shock, glares at him and says, “Who was that?”

The Husband replies calmly”Oh, that was my mistress.”

The wife gets mad and says, “That’s it; I want a divorce.”

“I understand,” replies her husband, “But, remember, if you get a divorce, there will be no more shopping trips to Paris, no wintering in the Caribbean, no Infinity or Lexus in the garage, and no more Country Club, but the decision is yours.”

Just then the wife notices a mutual friend entering the restaurant with a gorgeous woman. “Who’s that woman with Jim? ” she asks.

“That’s his mistress,” replies her husband.

“Ours is much more prettier,” says the wife